More San Diego

It's been an interesting week, I'll say that.

First, the bad news. My friend still seems convinced I fell in love to spite her; I got called a fat, selfish whore, got defriended on Facebook, and was told in no uncertain terms she never wanted to speak to me again. All of which, if possible, breaks my heart even more. I wish she could have at least called me and tried to have a rational conversation about what happened; don't thirty years of friendship warrant at least that much? Instead, I become the target of this mean girl high school bullshit and of a smear campaign amongst our mutual friends.

Fortunately, John keeps reminding me I'm due for a run of good karma. And while we moon about San Diego, taking in the sights and generally being that annoying, gooey, in-love couple, we're also managing to work in important conversations about logistics, cross-country moves, and his son. I still can't quite bring myself to believe this is real; I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and discover I've been doing peyote in the desert all this time.

The strangest part about this new relationship is that it doesn't seem strange. It seems perfectly comfortable and familiar and normal, which is why I keep circling it in my head, poking it with a stick and waiting for it to rear up and bite me. Granted, we've known each other for fifteen years, but still. I'm not freaked out that he has a kid, or that we keep saying the L-word, or even that the M-word has come up after--what? Five days?--or that I'm contemplating a cross-country move. And I'm the person who has said the following, in no particular order: "Marriage is like a living death." "I'm never moving for love again." "I'm never living with a man again, unless we're married, and maybe not then." "There is no such thing as love at first sight." "It's not possible to be completely, 100% sure about a person." "I'm never leaving New York."

Never fear, though: I won't be leaving New York right away. First I have to finish the trip, of course. Neither God nor man can stop me now. Then I think the best course of action will be to stay in New York for at least a few months, get a temp job, get my finances back in order, date long-distance for a bit, and wrap my brain around all of this.

Plus, I have to admit, I've been trying to picture my wedding day without my best friend, and I just can't do it.