Everything I know is wrong

The training program at the new restaurant is INTENSE. This place is like the Harvard of restaurants--hard to get into, even harder to excel, and you have to be both super-smart and super-hardworking to make it through. So, challenging. Good thing I'm smarter than the average bear, but my goodness, it's a lot of information to absorb at once.

I'll have to learn everything about the (long and complicated) menu, and re-learn everything I thought I knew about restaurant service. Apparently I've never done anything correctly--never placed silverware correctly, never poured wine correctly, never cleared a table correctly. I was so flustered and self-conscious on my second night of training that I dropped something on a table and broke a customer's water glass. I guess everything I know about breaking glasses is wrong, too.

On top of that, once I learn enough to be able to pour water, then I'll have to learn everything about all the wines on the (long and complicated) wine list in order to make it up to full server status. The good news about that is that I can purchase all the wines on the wine list at cost. Which means I can drink my way through the wine list, a bottle at a time, and call it a tax-deductible business expense.

But I'll miss the casual, fun atmosphere of my current job. I love my fellow employees, the chef, the menu, the drinks (the fact that I can pour water without worrying about whether I'm doing it correctly). I just can't make enough money there. Even at full volume, there's only so much you can pack into a place with 12 tables. And we're not at full volume every night. That's why I'm making the switch to the new restaurant--to make more money, but also to take this whole restaurant thing to the next level, working at a top place.

And let's just pause and appreciate the fact that seven months ago, I hadn't waited tables for almost six years and was just starting out again, working in a glorified pizza parlor. Fast-forward seven months and I get hired at the top restaurant in New England.

Still, the crash-and-burn potential is high here. Pray for me, will you?