So, Pockets and I have made up. Everyone is happy, everyone is relieved, tra-la-la, here we go skipping through fields of rainbows.
Not quite. I was reminded last night that there are a great many people in my life whose opinions on Pockets have plummeted from "I'll tolerate her for your sake" to outright frothing-at-the-mouth fury. This does not bode well for my wedding. I understand the collective skepticism, I do. I also understand that my nearest and dearest circled their wagons around me when I thought Pockets was gone forever, and that it will take some time to break out of that mindset, and that her track record often works against her.
But Pockets isn't the only wrinkle--there are other long-simmering rivalries to be dealt with. Friends who can no longer stand each other, the various dating misfires over the years throughout my circle, exes who are on friendly terms, exes who aren't, family members who disapprove of friends, friends who disapprove of family. I was so happy over the idea of getting everyone I love under one roof for the one day of my entire life, that I forgot half those people can't stand the other half.
Crap.
Now I'm worried that my wedding will turn into a shouting match, or worse, that everyone will be tiptoeing around, uptight, nervous, and trying to maintain the thinnest veneer of politeness, which will turn brittle and crack at some point in the evening and I'll be running interference between people crying in locked bathrooms and other people chain-smoking in the parking lot. Of course, we're all adults, and my friends' days of getting roaring drunk and climbing onto rooftops or fighting bouncers or dissolving into teary maudlin scenes are long over. We have spouses, children, mortgages. These days if I have more than one glass of wine with dinner, I fall asleep at 8:30. (Sigh.) So I'm fervently hoping that everyone can put aside their resentments and play nice. After all, it's ME. Getting MARRIED. No one ever thought that would happen (including me). I'm hoping one day of nice is not too much to ask.
On the other hand, the chances of my grandmother saying something wildly inappropriate in front of, and regarding, at least one minority group are far higher than a friend-related scene. So I have that to look forward to, as well. Man, I should have eloped.
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4 comments:
I'm sure it will all turn out wonderful! I had friends at my wedding who had last seen each other fighting, 15 years ago. They were best of friends by the end of the weekend - water under the bridge and all that. all the people YOU love will be under one roof. that will not change. I've never understood people who can't maintain civility for the sake of celebrating. Do not put energy into thinking about friction that may or may not occur - what we put energy into, manifests itself and may come to be. Focus on the joy of being surrounded by your loved ones and don't let any of that other stuff exist in your world.
Remember, even if you'd eloped, there still would have been a big party with everyone you love & everyone he loves under one roof celebrating. Also remember that everyone who comes to your wedding is doing so because they love you both and want to celebrate with you, regardless of any bygones with other friends, family or foolish people. Also remember that there are over 2 months for people to mellow out....
For my part, I plan on being absolutely civil to all. Whatever happened was just between us, but yeah. I have several people chewing me out for us making up. Which I do not understand. If folks care about either of us, wouldn't they want us to each be happy? Hmm... I'm behind you if you want to elope.
I think you'll do much better if don't expect people to feel the same way you do...that they won't ever "break out of their mindset." For instance, be at peace with the fact that some people won't forgive Pockets they way you have...they don't have a 30-year history with her. Would you stop keeping a watchful eye on a dude that's being treating your friend crappily? Give people some leeway...you'll be less stressed.
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