Ohio; and moving update

I just spent six days in Ohio with John's family, and I have to say, they are without a doubt the most entertaining and laidback family I've ever experienced. Now, when my extended family gets together, we can all get rowdy. Even my dad loosens up a little then. But I can't relax completely around them, perhaps because it's my own family. I always feel like I'm being judged, like I have to watch my language, and not talk about sex or politics or religion. Perhaps that's the downside of hanging out with your parents as an adult--they never really see you as an adult, and you never really feel like one.

But in Ohio, I was welcomed completely. They made me feel like I was already part of the family, and no one judged me for telling dirty jokes or swearing. In fact, I spent the better part of the six days sitting around the pool drinking beer, listening to other people tell dirty jokes and swear, so of course I fit right in. No one gave me disapproving glares when John and I disappeared for long stretches of time or when I was drawn into a discussion of the finer points of wheat whiskey. There's something to be said for being able to relax completely with a group of likeminded people.

Moving preparations continue apace. I'm still nervous about the long drive out with the cats, but what the hell. I just drove 19,000 miles, I can do this, too. I've officially found a replacement roommate, finished off the last of the liquor cabinet, and am in the process of saying goodbye to all my friends.

It's funny--almost as soon as I started the road trip, I could turn around and watch my old life cracking off in big pieces. It's a scary process to molt like that, but it's also transformational. It's very rare that I feel like I'm doing the right thing, as I'm doing it. My inner monologue of doubt and fear usually drowns that out. Which is funny, because when I was at home last time, my dad told me he felt like he had to worry extra about me because I was so fearless. I almost laughed out loud--I've never thought of myself as fearless. Rash maybe, occasionally impetuous, but not fearless. So this is my opportunity to live fearlessly, to enjoy my decisions and not constantly overanalyze them. It almost makes me want to unpack all my kitchen gear and whip up something big and complicated to celebrate.