Wedding quilt

This is the quilt my mom made me, in honor of our first wedding anniversary. The topside of the quilt has a bunch of personal references; the red is for my red wedding shoes, the dogwood blossoms in the middle are for Virginia, where my husband and I met; there's an Ohio design in each corner, since he's from Ohio; and so on.

The backside of it is handwritten blocks from the wedding itself; all the wedding guests signed a big piece of material in permanent marker, and that was woven into the quilt. Here are a couple of selections:

The wedding playlist

In order, 10.8 hours:

Ain't No Mountain High Enough: Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell
Love Rollercoaster: Ohio Players
You Dropped a Bomb on Me: The Gap Band
You Should Be Dancing: Bee Gees
You're The First, The Last, My Everything: Barry White
Let's Go Crazy: Prince
Where Is My Mind?: Pixies
It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine): R.E.M.
Waiting For Somebody: Paul Westerberg
St. Elmos's Fire (Man In Motion): John Parr
Tonight She Comes: The Cars
Always On My Mind: Pet Shop Boys
Dare: Gorillaz
Burning Down The House: Talking Heads
I Melt With You: Modern English
Space Age Love Song: A Flock of Seagulls
Lips Like Sugar: Echo & The Bunnymen
The Look Of Love: ABC
Tonight, Tonight: Smashing Pumpkins
Sex On Fire: Kings of Leon
Mr. Brightside: The Killers
Suffer Well: Depeche Mode
Just Like Heaven: The Cure
Shout: Tears For Fears
Tainted Love: Soft Cell
Relax: Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Best Of My Love: Emotions
Starsky & Hutch: LL Cool J
Stomp: George Clinton
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough (2003 Edit): Michael Jackson
U Got The Look: Prince
Play That Funky Music: Wild Cherry
Love Machine (Part 1): Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
Get Up Offa That Thing: James Brown
I Gotcha: Joe Tex
Crazy In Love: Beyoncé Feat. Jay-Z
Love Train: The O'Jays
ABC: The Jackson 5
Canned Heat: Jamiroquai
Supersition: Stevie Wonder
Get Down On It: Kool & The Gang
Got To Give It Up: Marvin Gaye
Shining Star: Earth Wind & Fire
Too Funky: George Michael
Staying Alive: Wyclef Jean
Fire: Ohio Players
Erotic City: George Clinton
Bamboleo: Gipsy Kings
Smooth: Santana Feat. Rob Thomas
El Matador: Los Fabulosos Cadillacs
What You Waiting For?: Gwen Stefani
Pour Some Sugar On Me: Def Leppard
Livin' On A Prayer: Bon Jovi
Don't Stop Believin': Journey
Don't Change: INXS
Don't Dream It's Over: Crowded House
In Your Eyes: Peter Gabriel
Sweet Virginia: The Rolling Stones
Why Don't We Get Drunk: Jimmy Buffett
You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly: Loretta Lynn & Conway Twitty
Why Don't We Do It In The Road?: The Beatles
She Is Beautiful: Andrew W. K.
Let Me Put My Love Into You: AC/DC
Boogie Wonderland: Girls Against Boys
I Want You To Want Me (Live): Cheap Trick
Paradise By The Dashboard Light: Meat Loaf
The Time Warp: Richard O'Brien, Patricia Quinn, Little Nell & Cast
Feel Good Inc.: Gorillaz
Suga Mama: Beyoncé
(Don't) Give Hate a Chance: Jamiroquai
Jungle Love: The Time
Super Freak: Rick James
Dancing Queen: ABBA
I'm Your Boogie Man: K.C. & The Sunshine Band
Rock & Roll Part Two: Gary Glitter
Do It 'Til You're Satisfied: B.T. Express
Flash Light (12" Version): Parliament
1999: Prince
Smooth Criminal: Michael Jackson
867-5309 (Jenny): Tommy Tutone
Hold On Loosely: .38 Special
Love Is Strong: The Rolling Stones
Rebel Yell: Billy Idol
The Stroke: Billy Squier
Do You Wanna Touch Me? (Oh Yeah!): Joan Jett
Scotty Doesn't Know: Lustra
Sharp Dressed Man: ZZ Top
Saturday Night: Bay City Rollers
I Can See Clearly Now: Johnny Nash
If I Had $1000000 Barenaked Ladies
When I'm Sixty-Four: The Beatles
Sit On My Face: Monty Python
Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now: Starship
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun: Cyndi Lauper
Holding Out for a Hero: Bonnie Tyler
Always Something There To Remind Me: Naked Eyes
Don't You (Forget About Me): Simple Minds
We Live For Love: Pat Benatar
Maria: Blondie
Your Love: The Outfield
Love Will Tear Us Apart: Joy Division
More Than This: Roxy Music
Everybody Have Fun Tonight: Wang Chung
Everybody Wants To Rule The World: Tears For Fears
Something About You: Level 42
Something So Strong: Crowded House
Mixed Emotions: The Rolling Stones
Modern Love: David Bowie
Just What I Needed: The Cars
Bust A Move: Young MC
It Takes Two: Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock
Fight The Power: Public Enemy
Baby Got Back: Sir Mix-a-lot
Nasty: Janet Jackson
Jump: Kris Kross
Pump Up The Volume: M/A/R/R/S
The Humpty Dance: Digital Underground
SexyBack: Justin Timberlake & Timbaland
Gimme More: Britney Spears
Gett Off: Prince
Make It Funky (Pt. 1): James Brown
Is This Love: Bob Marley & The Wailers
Let's Get It On: Marvin Gaye
Your Song: Elton John
You're My Best Friend: Queen
State Of Love And Trust: Pearl Jam
Somebody Told Me: The Killers
Land Of Confusion: Genesis
Need You Tonight: INXS
I Wanna Sleep With You: The Psychedelic Furs
Head Over Heels: Tears For Fears
Africa: Toto
Use Me: Al Jarreau
Hang Up: Madonna
SOS [Radio Edit]: Rihanna
Give Up the Funk: Parliament
Shake Your Booty: KC & The Sunhine Band
She Drives Me Crazy: Fine Young Cannibals
Real Wild Child: Iggy Pop
Let Love Rule: Lenny Kravitz
Here Comes My Girl: Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
I Found A Reason: The Velvet Underground
(Night Time Is) The Right Time: Ray Charles
Sexual Healing: Marvin Gaye
May This Be Love: Jimi Hendrix
Change: Tracy Chapman
I Want You: Tom Waits
No Ordinary Love: Sade
Unchained Melody: Righteous Brothers
Fever: Lisa Hindmarch
I Want To Be Loved By You: Sinéad O'Connor
It Had To Be You (Big Band And Vocals): Harry Connick, Jr.
Love Reign O'er Me: The Who
Under The Milky Way: The Church
Drive: The Cars
Faithfully: Journey
I'll Stand By You: Pretenders
New York State Of Mind: Billy Joel
Hallelujah: Leonard Cohen
What a Wonderful World: Louis Armstrong

The wedding playlist: Saturday, pre-game

In order. Total running time: 2 hours.

Baby I Love You: Aretha Franklin
I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch) [Stereo]: The Four Tops
Here I Am (Come and Take Me): Al Green
(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love And Understanding: Elvis Costello
We Are In Love: Harry Connick, Jr.
Pennies From Heaven: Louis Prima
Lover's Lane: Squirrel Nut Zippers
Higher Ground: Red Hot Chili Peppers
Shout: Ronald Isley-Rudolph Isley-O'Kelly Isley
I Want To Take You Higher: Sly & The Family Stone
With A Little Help From My Friends: Joe Cocker
Landslide: Smashing Pumpkins
What's Going On: Marvin Gaye
Son Of A Preacher Man: Dusty Springfield
I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do: ABBA
Live It Up (Pt. 1): The Isley Brothers
Get Down Tonight: K.C. & The Sunshine Band
Get Up (Sex Machine): James Brown
Don't Stop Me Now: Queen
Let's Dance: David Bowie
Be My Baby: The Ronettes
You Can't Hurry Love: Diana Ross & The Supremes
(Love Is Like A) Heat Wave [Single Version]: Martha Reeves & The Vandellas
Love Man: Otis Redding
Could You Be Loved: Bob Marley & The Wailers
Never, Never Gonna Give You Up: Barry White
Someday We'll Be Together: Diana Ross & The Supremes
Let's Stay Together: Al Green
Some Unholy War: Amy Winehouse
Stand By Me: John Lennon
America: Simon & Garfunkel
Chariot's Rise: Lizzie West
I Will Follow You Into The Dark: Death Cab For Cutie
At Last: Etta James

The wedding playlist: Friday night

In order. Total running time: 9.8 hours.

Sligo Creek: Al Petteway
Main Theme (From "Thelma and Louise"): James Fitzpatrick
Gotta Serve Somebody: Bob Dylan
Sweet Little Angel: B.B. King
Champagne & Reefer (featuring Buddy Guy) [Live]:The Rolling Stones
I Put A Spell On You: Buddy Guy Feat. Carlos Santana
Since I've Been Loving You: Led Zeppelin
Summertime: Janis Joplin
Voodoo Chile Blues: Jimi Hendrix
'Til I Fell In Love With You: Bob Dylan
I Want To Get Married: B.B. King
Boom Boom: John Lee Hooker
I Just Want To Make Love To You: Muddy Waters
To Know You Is To Love You: B.B. King
Mustang Sally: Buddy Guy & Jeff Beck
When The Levee Breaks: Led Zeppelin
Roadhouse Blues: The Doors
Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing: Chris Isaak
Ball And Biscuit: The White Stripes
I Like To Live The Love: B.B. King
I Found A True Love: Buddy Guy
Melissa: The Allman Brothers Band
Free Bird: Lynyrd Skynyrd
Let Me Love You Baby: Stevie Ray Vaughan
Thing Called Love: Bonnie Raitt
Surrender: Cheap Trick
Hold Tight: Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich
Love Her Madly: The Doors
Long Cool Woman (In a Black Dress): The Hollies
American Woman: The Guess Who
Slow Ride: Foghat
Let It Ride: BTO
Feel Like Makin' Love: Bad Company
Feels Like The First Time: Foreigner
More Than A Feeling: Boston
(Don't Fear) The Reaper: Blue Öyster Cult
Bang A Gong (Get It On): T.Rex
Black Magic Woman: Santana
Edge Of Seventeen: Stevie Nicks
Honky Tonk Women: The Rolling Stones
one bourbon, one scotch, one beer: George Thorogood & The Destroyers
When Love Comes To Town (7" Version): B.B. King
Trampled Underfoot: Led Zeppelin
American Pie: Don McLean
Into The Great Wide Open: Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Love the One You're With: Stephen Stills
City Of New Orleans: Willie Nelson
Peaceful Easy Feeling: The Eagles
Can't Keep It In: Cat Stevens
Tiny Dancer: Elton John
Brown Eyed Girl: Van Morrison
You Can Leave Your Hat On: Joe Cocker
Old Time Rock And Roll: Bob Seger
Go Your Own Way: Fleetwood Mac
Running On Empty: Jackson Browne
Born To Run: Bruce Springsteen
Come Together: Aerosmith
Start Me Up: The Rolling Stones
You Shook Me All Night Long: AC/DC
Rock You Like A Hurricane: Scorpions
You Give Love A Bad Name: Bon Jovi
Fight For Your Right: The Beastie Boys
Smalltown: John Cale & Lou Reed
Small Town: John Mellencamp
Only The Good Die Young: Billy Joel
Summer of '69: Bryan Adams
Only The Young: Journey
High Enough: Damn Yankees
Jump: Van Halen
Midnight Show: The Killers
It's A Sin: Pet Shop Boys
Blue Monday: New Order
You Spin Me Round (Like A Record): Dead Or Alive
Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This): Eurythmics
Rapture: Blondie
Sex (I'm A ...): Berlin
I Want Candy: Bow Wow Wow
Once In A Lifetime: Talking Heads
Danke Schoen: Wayne Newton
Oh Yeah: Yello
White Wedding: Billy Idol
Obsession: Animotion
Venus: Bananarama
Bad Girls: Donna Summer
Lady Marmalade: Labelle
Whip It: Dazz
Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now: McFadden & Whitehead
Lovelite: O'bryan
Boogie Wonderland: Earth, Wind & Fire & The Emotions
Ladies Night: Kool & The Gang
Jungle Boogie: Kool & The Gang
Hot Pants: James Brown
I Can't Get Next To You: Al Green
Atomic Dog: George Clinton
Stronger: Kanye West
Breathe On Me (Jacques Lu Cont's Thin White Duke Mix): Britney Spears
Don't Stop The Music: Rihanna
Hella Good: No Doubt
Maneater: Nelly Furtado
Honey: Erykah Badu
Labor Day (It's A Holiday): Black Eyed Peas
Pump Up The Jam: Technotronic
She Drives Me Crazy: Fine Young Cannibals
Love Shack: The B-52's
It'll Chew You Up & Spit You Out: Concrete Blonde
I Get Wet: Andrew W. K.
1999: Prince
Final Countdown: Europe
We Built This City: Starship
Bohemian Rhapsody: Queen
(I Just) Died In Your Arms: Cutting Crew
Invincible [Theme From The Legend Of Billie Jean]: Pat Benatar
Addicted to Love: Robert Palmer
Maniac: Michael Sembello
Safety Dance: Men Without Hats
How Soon is Now?: The Smiths
Burn You Up, Burn You Down: Peter Gabriel
Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic: The Police
Waiting For A Star To Fall: Boy Meets Girl
Like A Virgin: Madonna
Freedom: George Michael
Pump It Up: Mudhoney
The Power Of Love: Huey Lewis & The News
Hungry Like The Wolf: Duran Duran
Just A Girl: No Doubt
Never Say Never: Romeo Void
The Politics Of Dancing: re-flex
Cars: Gary Numan
She's A Beauty: The Tubes
If You Leave: Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark
True: Spandau Ballet
Total Eclipse Of My Heart: Bonnie Tyler
Hold Me Now: The Thompson Twins
Can You Picture That?: Dr. Teeth And The Electric Mayhem
Crazy Little Thing Called Love: Queen

I'm still having wedding anxiety dreams

Isn't that the darndest thing? I'm STILL having dreams about the wedding. That a bunch of people show up at my parents' house, and I'm trying to find room for all of them, or I'm trying to figure out how much food we'll need, or the wedding is about to take place and I'm looking for something. The other night I dreamed that somehow the marriage didn't take the first time around, so we had to go back and do the wedding all over again, and I was trying to get everyone back for it.

Have gotta-get-married-again dreams officially replaced the gotta-repeat-the-last-year-of-high-school dreams? Crazy.

On Marriage

Well, what can I say? So far, being married is pretty awesome. All these years I thought I'd feel oppressed or at least different. But being married is...just us. We're exactly like we were before, except now I don't have to worry about it. It's me, with him, with stability. And better silverware.

Everyone agreed that the wedding was very us, and it was. It was perfect in its own idiosyncratic way. Several people told me afterward that was the most fun they'd ever had with perfect strangers. I had no doubt our families would hit it off--they did--and we already had all the same friends in common. My biggest regret was that I couldn't stay up partying with everyone for 72 hours straight. For those of you who couldn't make it--well, you really missed out.

The week leading up to the wedding was busy, and exhausting, and exhilarating at the same time. The two families hunkered down in a big, beautiful mountain house, with nothing to do but cook and eat and hang out. (Sounds like a Godfather sequel, doesn't it?) We arrived late on the Saturday before the wedding, driving from DC through the wilds of central rural Virginia. We missed my sister's graduation (she was getting her master's degree) but made it in time for a raucous family dinner with all the kids and all the spouses. Sunday was church, followed by my sister's baby shower, followed by a barbecue. Monday we got up and started baking. Three dozen loaves of bread, several pounds of bacon chocolate, and I don't even know how many cookies. Let me tell you, cooking all day is exhausting. It doesn't sound like it would be, but it is. We made it maybe halfway through all the cookies and fudge before I threw in the towel.

On Tuesday, we went to the local courthouse and got our marriage license. One of the few advantages of growing up in the middle of nowhere is that when you go to get your marriage license, a) there's no line, b) the clerk already knows you, c) you don't need to show ID, and d) you're the only people there. It took us maybe 15 minutes, and that was mostly filling out the paperwork. I continued on to complete the shopping for the week, which ended up being much less expensive than I'd planned. And a side note--we sent at least half the food and half the booze home with people on Sunday. I drastically overestimated how much we'd need, and you know what? It was still a lot cheaper than I'd budgeted. Rock on.

People started arriving Tuesday night and Wednesday morning--my sister and her husband, my Dear Husband's sister and her family, his parents, my parents, my grandmother. We had a bridal shower and a big dinner. We got in the hot tub. We baked some more cookies. (We were all so tired of baking cookies that no one wanted to eat any--the tragic flaw in my plan. We didn't make anywhere near the 600 I thought we'd need, and there were still a bazillion left over.) My brother-in-law sliced his finger open with one of my mom's very sharp knives on Wednesday night, requiring four stitches. It's not a party until someone bleeds.

Repeat ad infinitum--cooking, eating, drinking, hot tub. Sleep. More people. Cooking, eating, drinking, hot tub, drinking, eating, more people, hot tub, etc., etc. Thursday night we started cooking the 100 pounds of Boston butt we'd bought for the barbecue, and when I woke up at three in the morning to the overpowering smell of slow-roated pork, I couldn't get back to sleep because the house smelled so good. Which unfortunately set a bad precedent for the week--being too excited to sleep.

Friday was the day most of our friends and extended family would be rolling into town, so I started off in the spa. Then we started making vats of gumbo--chicken and andouille sausage gumbo, and a seafood gumbo made with fresh Gulf shrimp, crawfish and alligator sausage. By this point I was doing more delegating than cooking; I was trying to greet guests, talk to old friends, and cook simultaneously, which meant all of those things were being done poorly. I will admit it was kinda fun to point at random people and say things like, "Could you chop these peppers for me?" and "Stir that" and "You're in charge of mincing the parsley." And those things got done! I get a kick out of saying to my hubby, "You need to vacuum today,"--and then he does it! How awesome is that?!--but it was even cooler when people I'm not married to were scurrying around asking, "What can I do to help?" All that help made the gumbo extra delicious.

I was so excited by everyone's arrival that I forgot to eat. I kept running from one old friend to another, checking in with everyone, making sure everyone was having a good time. I didn't have a chance to really talk in-depth with anyone, but I was still deliriously happy to have (almost) everyone I loved under one roof. Plus the house came with the most amazing pimptastic bar ever. I was quite the social butterfly.

I hit the wall hard sometime after midnight, which meant I woke up on my wedding day coasting on about five hours' sleep, too nervous to eat (and I forgot to eat dinner on Friday), and too wired to either nap or at least sit down. Well, nervous isn't quite the right word. I was fluttery and keyed up, but I wanted to get married. I really did. On some level, I was paranoid it wouldn't actually happen--that it would turn out to be some elaborate practical joke, or that he really would cut and run at the altar. Because I hadn't wanted to be married for so long, and then I hadn't let myself want it for fear of it never happening, and then once I did admit I wanted it, I got humiliated in the worst way, and so then I was back to not wanting it. And there it was, within reach. Surely the universe would throw up some roadblock, it couldn't happen that easily. At the very least, I would spill something on the ivory satin wedding dress my mom made me, or snap the heel of my $400 Stuart Weitzman red satin pumps. Right?

And then, before I knew it, the music cued. The minister prayed, his brother-in-law played a hauntingly beautiful bagpipe solo (that went perfectly with the rainy, foggy weather), and my best friend took her place to officiate the ceremony. Someone handed me a bouquet, and then there I was, walking down the aisle. I was still nervous, but I didn't cry, or trip, or run away. Neither did he. We just stood there, grinning at each other, as my best friend grinned at the two of us. Mercifully, the ceremony was short. When the words "husband and wife" floated through the air, everyone applauded.

The rest of the night was a blur of friends and drinks and laughter. It was the first time all week I could truly relax, so I did. A lot of people left earlier than I would have liked (maybe they were tired from Friday night, too), but the barbecue was a huge hit and I got several exhortations to bottle my barbecue sauce. Somewhere in the middle of all that my brother got operated on (see previous post). Sometime after midnight, the small group of people left shooed John and me away. "It's your wedding night! Go celebrate it!" they cried. "I only see you people once every few years, MAYBE," I said. "I can see my husband for the rest of my life. Let me hang out with you a little while longer!" But no. We were shooed away. I suppose it's a good thing, in retrospect, because I remember going up the stairs to our bedroom, but I don't remember anything else until waking up at 4 am. I was so tired that I went unconscious literally the moment I touched the bed. Not quite the wedding night everyone had in mind, I'm sure, but we've been making up for it this week. (I've never had legal sex before! It's quite the novelty.)

And then the next day, everyone left. Three metric tons of leftover food and booze were divided up and carried away, and then we had that enormous house to ourselves for a night. The plan all along was to come back to our apartment in California and "honeymoon" at home for a week, running errands and hanging out. And all along I thought that was a cop-out, that I'd be chomping at the bit to travel, to go somewhere and do something. After last week, I've been more than content to sit at home on my ass all week long. We've been productive--we had to restock the completely depleted pantry and liquor cabinet, do laundry, unpack, blah blah--but I've also been sleeping 10 to 12 hours every night. That's right, folks, I'm spending my honeymoon in shorts, on my sofa, drinking rum and watching cheesy movies. Aren't you jealous?

In my defense, we've at least been eating well. No more beans or soup for a while. Our first married dinner was a board full of gourmet cheese and salami, with fresh buffalo carpaccio, and a good bottle of wine. Our second married dinner was roasted pork belly with wild rice and an avocado-arugula-heirloom tomato salad. Our third married dinner was whole broiled trout wrapped in wild boar bacon with broccoli rabe. And so on.

So, to sum up: I love my husband. I love being married. We'll get that same house and throw down again for our five-year anniversary. You're all invited.

Our wedding

It was perfect.

Not in the storybook-perfect way. It was raining pretty heavily all day, there was a lot of fog, and there were a lot of people I wanted to see that couldn't make it. Also I was tired, frazzled, and couldn't eat all day. But it was still perfect. Because it was us, and because it was our family and friends, and because it was our wedding.

I'll go into more detail later, but here are the important points. The house was amazing. Spending a week with the two families (who got along like gangbusters, natch) was amazing. Lots of laughter and good food. We cooked enough food to choke three armies, half of which ended up going home with everyone on Sunday. (But better to have too much than not enough.) The biggest hits were, of course, the seafood gumbo and my barbecue sauce. My dress was beautiful, made by my mom, and everyone loved the shoes. I got to wear my great-grandmother's pearls. The bouquet was a variety of herbs from my mom's garden. My best friend performed the ceremony. No one stuttered, or cried, or spontaneously vomited, or did any of things I was afraid would happen during the ceremony. But lots of people in the audience cried. In fact, I couldn't stop grinning.

After the service, we all ate, took some great pictures, and then retired to the bar--conveniently located next to both the living room and the hot tub. Drinks were had. At some point in the evening, John's uncle, a plastic surgeon from Ohio, started talking to my brother. My brother has a mole on his nose--just a little one, but it's always bothered him. Uncle Doctor told him if he wanted it removed, all he needed was a bag of ice and a pair of embroidery scissors. So we procured a bag of ice and a pair of embroidery scissors, gave my brother a couple of fortifying shots, and then the doctor just--snip!--and it was gone. We put a bandaid on it and celebrated. It's not every wedding that has surgery in it.

Oh, my brother-in-law sliced his finger open earlier on the week on one of my mom's good knives. It took four stitches. So the marriage has been doubly consecrated in blood. It's not a party until someone bleeds.

May 22, 2010

...As the screaming from outside the gate burst all bounds of propriety, the Prince interrupted the Archdean and said with gentlest manner, “Holiness, my love is simply overpowering my ability to wait—please skip to the end of the service.”

“Mawidge,” the Archdean began.

“Again, Holiness, I interrupt in the name of love. Please hurry to the end.”

“Mawidge is a dweam wiffin a dweam. The dweam of wuv wapped wiffin the gweater dweam of everwasting west. Eternity is our fwiend: wemember that, and wuv wiw fowwow you fowever.”

The Prince stood up and approached the Archdean firmly. “Man and wife,” he shouted. “Man and wife! Say that!”

“I’m not there yet,” the Archdean answered.

“You just arrived,” the Prince replied. “Now!”

This house is PIMP

No, not my parents' house, where I was staying for the past few days. That's still small, in the country, and sans internet access and cell phone reception. My Man and Son flew in with me on Saturday to DC, whereupon we took the long and winding road (Route 15, to be exact) down the middle of the state and got many great views of cow pastures. We spent a few busy but good days there, getting some baking done, rounding up all the stuff we needed for the wedding, and catching up with my pregnant sister and her husband. (PS: she's not fat, despite all her protestations to the contrary.)

Then yesterday we drove up to Wintergreen, to the house we rented for the wedding. Dude. 6 BR, 5 BA, a full bar next to the 10-person hot tub--and when I say full bar, I mean full bar, complete with two wine refrigerators, an ice machine, a sink, and two TVs--a fire pit on the wraparound deck, a 96-inch projection screen, air hockey, ginormous kitchen, two laundry rooms, et cetera, et cetera. Definitely one of the nicest houses I've ever set foot in. I can't wait for the wedding.

Well, let me rephrase that. I'm having such a great time hanging out with everyone that I want to be able to slllloooooooooooowwww down this week and make it last about two months. I can't wait for Saturday, but after that, it'll all be over.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to VA we go...

It goes without saying, but I'll be offline for a few days while at my folks' house. I won't have time to blog anyway, what with the 600 cookies we'll be baking and all. More soon, I promise!

Isn't it time to fly to Virginia yet? SHEESH.

I know in a few days I'm totally going to bite my tongue for saying this, but right now I am BORED. Booooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrred. I know, nice problem to have, right? I want to hurry up and get to Virginia so I can do all the nine billion things on my list (bake 600 cookies; assemble various stockpots and serving trays and baskets; buy all the groceries; raid my mother's garden; oh yeah, try on my wedding dress) but until then there's nothing I can do here. Work is slow (thank God), the house is relatively clean, we're packed except for the last few things...it's a waiting game now.

I hate waiting.

Warning: tackiness ahead

Alas, Emily Post offers no guidance on whether it is tacky to tell people where you are registered via your own blog. So, if it actually is, my apologies.

For those of you who care, we're registered at Williams Sonoma, Crate & Barrel, Pampered Chef and Chef's Catalog.

Happy Mother's Day, everyone!

This is the last weekend we'll spend in our apartment as single people. Crazy, huh? I spent yesterday packing, and today I'm sure I'll just wander around trying to think of what I've forgotten. Our flight leaves bright and early on Saturday, so on Friday we'll actually spend the night in a hotel in Long Beach (courtesy of my soon-to-be-husband's ex-mother-in-law; is that weird? It seems weird to me, but he seems okay with it, and I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth). Work has been very busy; I go into work every day hoping to get all this stuff done and then they actually expect me to do work at work. So unproductive.

Plus, let's be honest, there actually isn't that much that needs to be done between now and the time we leave. Return all the library books. Take out the trash. Do laundry and finish packing. Get some stuff for sandwiches to take on the plane. The rest of my time is spent checking and rechecking all the various lists, just to make sure I haven't forgotten something, and no one is interested in my paranoic obsessing. Except possibly my cats.

More things you gotta do before getting married

1. Read every book you can find about marriage, joint finances, and childrearing. Start to freak out about all the things you don't know about childrearing. Then read The Liars' Club and The Glass Castle and realize nothing you could do would ever be that bad. Continue freaking out a little anyway.
2. Budgeting is so much easier with two paychecks! But wait. There are two sets of debt.
3. Call every friend you have with kids to find out how long it took them to get pregnant after going off the pill.
4. While you're at it, inquire delicately as to the state of their marriages, and what words of wisdom can be passed along. Attempt to mentally collate all this.
5. Amend escape fantasy from "selling everything and moving to Costa Rica to work in a bar on the beach somewhere" to "selling everything and moving to Costa Rica with both extended families to start a joint family compound near the beach somewhere, and raise chickens."
6. Realize that, forever after, a happening Saturday night will consist of dinner, a video and possibly a board game. The words "booty text," "2-for-1 shots," and "Joel Robuchon's new restaurant" will now be eliminated from your Saturday night vocabulary. Likewise, "I think I slept with that bartender once," "Can we get a cab in this neighborhood at 4:30 am?" and "Zombie bowl for four please. With extra fire." Happily stock up on board games.
7. Call your sister repeatedly to be assured that, yes, all men would rather play video games than do housework, that all men are incapable of seeing dirt or the trail of clothing they leave behind them when getting home from work, that no man will ever bound out of bed on Sunday morning saying, "Gosh! So many things to do today!" Realize that you are actually okay with this.
8. Send up repeated prayers of thanks that you are marrying THIS man, and not any of your ex-boyfriends. Briefly contemplate married life with each of them, then go wash. Repeatedly.
9. Likewise, wake up one night and think, "All this time I thought it was the institution of marriage that scared the crap out of me. When really, it was just Brant!"
10. Realize that you no longer care about updating your wardrobe, because life insurance payments now take precedence. Attempt to talk yourself into a new bathing suit, then sit back and watch as your rational brain--for the first time ever--convinces you that a bigger emergency fund is more important.
11. Take your engagement ring off to knead dough/apply lotion/paint, then feel guilty about it.
12. Try to envision changing your name. Then try to get an appointment at the DMV for anytime in the next six months. Table that discussion.
13. Wake up every morning and remember how lucky you are. Look at his dad and hope he's just like that in his old age. Watch him playing with the cats and discover your long-buried maternal instinct. Hold hands quietly as you walk to work with him every day. Think about how you cannot wait to really be married to this man.

Things you gotta do before getting married

And no, I'm not talking about wedding planning or who will be in charge of unloading the dishwasher (although those things are important, too).

1. Finances. Both people should get all their financial paperwork (ALL of it) and sit down. What's your cumulative savings? Debt? Earnings? Retirement savings? Open a joint checking and savings account, and change your automatic deposits. Discuss whether to open or create any joint credit cards. Figure out a household budget. Discuss significant assets (does anyone own a house? A car? Real estate? Pricey art or toys? Will these be jointly held after the marriage?). Discuss future significant purchases--house, car. Create a debt repayment plan, if necessary. Open a 401K or IRA, if necessary.
2. Get life and disability insurance.
3. Create wills, living wills, and advance health-care directives.
4. Merge all the household stuff. Will you have two of everything or will there be gaps? Figure out the best way to unload all the duplicates, and to get the things neither one of you has. Are you missing furniture, kitchen stuff? Do things need to be upgraded?
5. Add each other to your car insurance policies.
6. Consolidate household/renter's insurance and make sure you have enough to cover both people's possessions (especially electronics). Will you need earthquake or flood insurance?
7. Figure out tax implications. Will you be hit by the infamous marriage tax? Either way, you'll need to adjust your withholding.
8. Discuss future plans. Kids? Home ownership? Early retirement? How to spend the holidays? Travel? What will everything look like one year from now? Five years? Ten years? Pursuant to kids, how will you raise them? Will one person quit his/her job and stay home? Can you live on one salary? Will you move to a bigger house/apartment/different city? Will one person's career take precedence over the other's?
9. Make sure everyone has a current passport. (Just in case.)
10. Make copies of everything--all the financial paperwork and insurance policies, all the wills and legal paperwork, all your different account numbers and passwords, your driver's licenses, Social Security cards and passports, and backups of both your hard drives. Store one set somewhere outside your home--with your parents, in a bank safety deposit box, in a safe at work. That way if your house burns down, you've got copies of everything.

I'm happy to say we've done all these things.

28 days to go!

Now my brain is torturing me with all the things that could go wrong. Not the little things, mind you--I'm not worried about having enough food, or whether it will rain, or where people will park, or calculating the exact likelihood that I'll drip barbecue sauce down the front of my wedding dress (I'd say somewhere between 73 and 97%, depending on how much champagne is my system at the time). I'm panicking about big stuff--maybe my sister will go into premature labor. Maybe someone will drop dead of a heart attack. Maybe our plane will fall out of the sky en route. Maybe I'll get left at the altar after all. Maybe my boss will like my two-week replacement temp so much they fire me and hire her instead.

Is this normal? Feeling panicked about things I have absolutely no control over? Maybe that's the whole point, that I can't control those things and that's why my brain is torturing me with them. It's not cold feet, per se. I'm not panicking about the actual getting married part (though I am a little worried I'll cry in front of everyone. Thank God for waterproof mascara). Probably I just need more of a life right now, to distract myself from thinking about the wedding all. the. time.

Then again, it's probably a good sign I'm worried about airline crashes and earthquakes, rather than, you know, getting married. :-)

No news is good news

We have no money, it's all being saved for the wedding, so we never go out. We're practicing being old married people with no life. With one exception--last week, my better half's work threw a celebratory dinner for his division, at one of the local Italian chains. Think Olive Garden with more kitsch on the walls. Hey, it was free dinner and drinks, we went. But I was reminded of why I don't go to chain restaurants. The drinks were awful, essentially alcoholic glucose. They were all sugar and no actual flavor. The food was equally bad; the meat sauce tasted like it came out of a can and the chicken parmesan was obviously a pre-frozen, pre-breaded cutlet made from leftover chicken parts. I could taste the fake charred grill flavoring. Meanwhile everyone around me was raving about how good everything was. This tells me that either I really am a food snob, or people have appallingly low standards for food. (I suspect some of both.)

Speaking of food, I'm attempting not to buy groceries between, well, six weeks ago and the wedding. Mostly because we can't afford it, all extra money has gone to wedding savings and paying my better half's taxes. But it's also an interesting experiment to see how long a fully stocked pantry can last. It's starting to get bare in places, and I'm becoming increasingly creative. And thank goodness for our biweekly CSA box of fresh fruits and veggies, otherwise we'd have no fresh fruits and veggies right now. The liquor supplies are also starting to run out, but we've got plenty of wine. I did have to break down and make a Sam's run about three weeks ago (I needed cat litter, onions and potatoes, which no household can run without) and I'll have to get more peanut butter to feed the kid, but otherwise I'm pretty sure we can make it. The adults will be eating lots of beans and potatoes, but there's plenty of meat in the freezer. Turns out a well-stocked pantry can last for upwards of two, almost three months without significant replenishment. That means we can leave for the wedding with an empty refrigerator and make a full grocery run when we get back.

There's not really anything to report. This past weekend was our last leisurely one between now and the wedding. Pretty soon I'll have to start scrounging for RSVPs. If you haven't RSVPd, now's your chance!

Math

Yesterday I started doing some wedding-related math. Specifically, food math. One of the reasons I'll be cooking the vast majority of the food is because, well, it's me, and I can't NOT cook. But the other reason is to save money. It's far cheaper to cook my own food than to pay a caterer to do it for me, and I daresay my food will taste better, anyway. I don't have a choice at this point--we're eating beans every night, spending no money, and I've slashed all household expenditures to the bone, saving every penny for the wedding. I quit feeding quarters into the laundromat dryers and I'm drying clothes on racks in the living room, for God's sake, and I still fear we'll come up short.

So, food math. I started with dessert. An assortment of homemade cookies, brownies and fudge, supplemented by ice cream and sundae fixings at the wedding, and several pounds of bacon chocolate. Let's assume 75 people at the wedding, 75 people at the rehearsal dinner (although probably less), plus 15 people staying in the house for a week. Let's also assume 3 cookies (or whatever) per person, per day. That's a total of 600 cookies and brownies, leaving the bacon chocolate out of the equation.

Now let's assume 15 cookies (or whatever) per batch. That comes to a grand total of 47 sticks of butter and 5 dozen eggs. Plus flour, sugar, brown sugar, vanilla, chocolate chips, etc., etc., etc.

Then I moved on to the bread. (Yes, I'm baking all the bread. I can make a loaf of bread for less than a quarter. Even at Sam's Club, the bread isn't that cheap.) 3 loaves of white sandwich bread for the kids, 4 loaves of bread for croutons, and baguettes for everything else. 15 people in the house for a week--toast, sandwiches, French toast--plus bread for 75 on Friday with the gumbo. I came to an estimate of 30 baguettes for the week. Flour, whole wheat flour, salt and yeast.

However, bought in bulk, the ingredients for 600 cookies and 30 baguettes come to about $150. It's entirely possible we'll end up spending more on booze than on food.

(Alcohol math: 75 people on Saturday, 75 people on Friday, undetermined number for Sunday brunch, plus 15 people in the house for a week: three cases of wine, one case of champagne, two cases of assorted beer--my brother-in-law-to-be is bringing nine gallons of homebrewed oatmeal stout, but we'll still need a little extra--plus giant bottles of gin, rum, bourbon, scotch, tequila and several giant bottles of vodka. Plus mixers--OJ, cranberry juice, tonic water, soda water, bitters, Coke, Diet Coke, triple sec, lemons, limes, blah blah blah--plus my own personal stash of the good stuff. Even if I spend only $10 per bottle on the wine and bubbly, factoring in 15% case discount, that's close to $1000 on booze.)

Isn't math fun?

We got our first wedding present today!

I feel all official and stuff. :-)

Wedding anxiety dreams

Don't worry, that's actually a good thing. Nine hundred years ago, when I was engaged before, I never had a wedding anxiety dream. Because, well, I didn't sleep. I woke up every night with that rock in the pit of my stomach. You know that rock, that one that radiates deep, cold, sweaty fear and says "Run! Run for the hills!". This time around, the rock is gone. And I sleep like the dead every night.

In the past my anxiety dreams have centered around school, usually being sent back to high school--and sometimes even involving missing the bus. Now all my anxiety dreams center around the wedding. But here's the thing. John is always there. I'm never anxious about him. The anxiety always revolves around something relatively trivial. That's what anxiety dreams are about, right? Mine are always about either looking for something I can't find, or being late to something and being held up somehow.

And I'm always at my parents' church, wearing a big poofy white dress. I always think, "I'm not supposed to be getting married here, in this dress, at church, I'm supposed to be wearing a different dress and getting married at Wintergreen." All the guests are there, waiting, and John is inside, waiting too. Naturally, I'm either looking for something (my makeup, my shoes, Peg) or I'm late (I'm trying to deal with the food, find a bathroom, put on my makeup which I then can't find). In one version, I started running around to the front of the church so I could walk down the aisle, only to trip and fall headlong, getting grass stains all down the front of the big poofy white dress. Then of course I had to find something else to wear.

But John's always there, waiting patiently.

For years, I had a recurring nightmare about being left at the altar. I had a shamefully emotional moment watching that scene in the Sex and the City movie, because it so closely mirrored my recurring nightmare.

I haven't had that dream since meeting John.